Lieutenant Kevreyschenko and Inspector Obnoxious is a slice of life series revolving around ISF Lieutenant Arkadiy Kevreyschenko and IPF Inspector Milivoj Zierke, assigned to work together as part of the multi-national law enforcement task-force on Domum Regimen for the Galactic Senate.

Permanent RecordEdit

Domum Regimen. To many, it's a gleaming example of the accord derived from peaceful co-operation. For those who advocate abolishing citizenship and putting the subject of nationality under the umbrella of a single grand entity, the station is the first example they bring up. Different races with different ideas and different countries come together in social and economic harmony, enjoying a crime rate lower than the galactic average.

Of course, simply attributing that success to racial integration would be a fallacy. There must always be those who volunteer to keep the peace in the streets (or in the case of Domum Regimen, promenades), even in the face of bodily harm or death. This, however, is not a complex thing. Cover a large city or space station with an undermanned and underfunded police force, and you'll see crime thrive. On the other end, maintain a strong, motivated, and well-supplied police force to maintain public order, and crime will plummet. That part is easy enough.

It's not the regular street crime that worries police. Thieves steal and gangs fight, and police stop them. It's like a farmer guarding his sheep from wolves, or the curious case of ants guarding aphids from their predators. Any issues there can be solved with more hands or dogs for the shepherd, or more ants.

What worries police are the pieces that don't quite fit the puzzles. The crime off the street, the crazy criminals and the smart criminals, the odd and the nimble, or any combination is what really matters. It's what you really have to fight. You can't just throw more men on a corner and stop a smuggling ring that can pay people off, intimidate, or kidnap. You can't stop the embezzlers, the counterfeiters, the hackers, the corrupt diplomats or the multinational gangs with just more beat cops. It takes brains.

That's where people like Lieutenant Arkadiy Kevreyschenko and Inspector Milivoj Zierke come in. At least, it is on paper. Either one would tell you a much different story.

"...and that's why I just prefer to go to the Educated Strata instead. I don't get why that's so hard to comprehend." If a propensity to stress oneself over maintaining immaculate hair was a condition for promotion, Lieutenant Kevreyschenko would have been a system commander instead of a sacrificial lamb for a grand experiment in inter-service police work on a frustratingly intimate scale. Arkadiy ran his imported comb through his self-titled "mane" with a precise rhythm, careful not to disturb the nebulous zen of strands already well in place to his specifications. Even if it was thick for an Eteno, Arkadiy's head of hair was arguably nothing that couldn't be maintained with a half-assed stroke of a brush once or twice halfway out the door. To the ISF investigator, however, it was his shrine to professionalism in all things.

Milivoj rolled his eyes, and adopted a high-pitched mocking tone. "Oh, look at me! I'm Lieutenant Kevreyschenko! I like my exotic dancers to be smart and aspiring and just use the job as a springboard to go to university to do statistical analytical space geophysics philosophy!"

"As I'm trying to tell you, Mili, they're not exotic dancers. They're attractive, intelligent women who get paid to eat dinner and have riveting conversations with men like me who are too busy-"

"Too ugly and stuffy." Arkadiy's IPF counterpart interjected.

"Who are too busy to set up and maintain an intimate relationship with a woman on their own, because they devote almost every minute of their lives to enforcing the law and serving the Fatherland." Satisfied with the state of his hair, Arkadiy turned to face his counterpart as he said the last word, adding a touch of natural emphasis.

"That's what all you Security Force guys say. Everything's about serving the Fatherland and being loyal, and not joining the Navy Intelligence Service with the real military because you might get rotated to a less useful position. And in reality, it's just that you couldn't cut it in basic training."

The lieutenant scoffed and walked over to their shared table, rifling through Milivoj's mess to find his passcard. "You don't join the Navy Intelligence Service, and you know that. It's like they don't exist. You tell me how to join them or show me someone who has, and maybe I'll buy your little argument, but you can't find them!"

"Psh. Of course you ISF guys can't. If you're too fat to find your toes, how can you possibly find the NIS?"

"The stereotype of a morbidly obese ISF officer yelling 'you're all under arrest' between mouthfuls of fishcake is trite and overused and completely unfounded, and you know it. We're all held to the same fitness regulations here. Police, Security Forces, military, it doesn't matter. We all gotta pass the test. Now let's get to your hearing so that your shenanigans might not make me run late today."

Milivoj seemed to concur, though he didn't exactly appear to be excited to be attending the hearing today. He and Arkadiy departed their shared quarters in the Eteno government module and made their way at a brisk pace through the various cluttered offices to the chambers set aside for military and police tribunals. When they arrived, the regular small crowd did not seem to be present. Only Constable Hock, the judge for Milivoj's case, was present.

He did not seem entirely pleased to be there, so the investigator duo promptly took their seats at the table of the accused, across from an empty table normally reserved for the accusing party, both before the judge's raised platform.

Hock's gills flared, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just show me the shots from the hidden camera we had in the room that show what happened, alright? It's not a fantastic day to be dealing with you two again."

Milivoj was not intimidated by the constable's mood, and pulled up stills from the previous night's footage on his wrist device so that Hock could see.

"These are the images of when I shot the two officers of the-... I mean, allegedly shot the two officers of the crime family before we got the needed information on their conspirators and the evidence to arrest them or attack them."

Constable Hock sighed, and shook his head. "It's not even a question, Inspector Zierke. I'd have you stripped of your rank right now, but I need the two of you for an investigation."

Both Arkadiy and Milivoj took immediate interest in this statement. Something that would let the IPF officer of the two off the hook for this, with his kind of record, was surely big.

"The government's been trying to weasel out of catching Adrenaline Cartel crew for the last few months. They've been claiming that our resources were required dealing with other crap, but it seems you rounded it all up, and now we have no choice but to have Eteno officers of the law going after drugs on this station. I know that's not how it worked for you, or for any of us back home, but the Vaikan want it and we need their continued participation on this station. Now, since the higher-ups have succumbed to the pressure, they're acting like it's our fault nothing's been done yet, so they're breathing down on my gills real damn hard. You two, for all the shit you pull, are the best we've got. Nobody gives us results like you. So, go after the Adrenaline Cartels and their operations on Domum Regimen. Do this right, and I'll wipe all of Inspector Zierke's past offenses from the record. Now get out of here, talk to the analyst department for more on this, I got a meeting I'm late for."